Mawwiage

You know, I had never really thought about gay marriage enough to develop concise feelings on the matter, but since I’ve been asked for my opinion on the matter a few times here recently, I felt the need to form that opinion and then post is and move on with my miserable existence.

First of all, most people believe that marriage is a sacred union between 2 people and the deity of their choosing. Unless you’re an atheist, then it’s just a sacred union between 2 people…or If you’re agnostic then God might be there or maybe not or maybe he’ll just send his brother Craig or…wait…I’m digressing. Anyway, I would assume that most people get married with love or shotguns being the main focus.
So I’m not asking why the government won’t let gay people marry, but why does the government have to be involved in marriage at all?

Well?

Why does the government have to be involved in every. Single. Stinking. Aspect. Of our lives?

I don’t understand why married people receive tax benefits over single people but more importantly I don’t like the fact that I have to get my marriage approved, taxed, and/or logged into Big Brother’s ever growing, squid-like brain.

“I love this girl. Is it ok if I marry her Mr. Government?”
Stupid.

Have none of you ever thought about this?

“What about if a person dies? Who gets what?”
It’s called a will. They aren’t new. You can get ‘em online now and a will will also handle that life insurance question too. Guess what? We don’t need the government clouding up any of this.

“Maybe it has to do with divorce?”
Nope, divorce should be settled as a lawsuit in which the ownership of goods and money are in question. These happen all the time. See: Judges; Wopner, Judy, Mills Lane, and (God forbid) Joe Brown.

And on the subject of divorce, why on earth is it an option on most multiple choice scenarios?

Check one:
Single
Married
Divorced
?!?!?

That’s like constantly having to tell people that you’ve made a mistake. That’s not right. What if the employment status read:
Employed
Unemplyed
Fired

Shit… I got off topic again.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that the government should have NOTHING to do with ANY marriage period! I don’t care if a guy wants to marry a goat, if you can get the thing to say “I do” then have at it. I think that this country has much bigger problems right now, not the least of which is…well, I’ll keep that opinion to myself and just quote the great 70’s civil rights legend, Dolomite.

“Stick it to the man.”

You may kiss the bride.